The Middle East

I am prompted to write this because I am outraged. This outrage was brought to light this morning in response to an acquaintance's post on Facebook. I'm not going to link it here, that's not the point of this post.

Coverage of the ongoing Civil War in Syria is what I would call spotty. We only really get news about Syria when it's about refugees or children dying. Something needs to be done about Syria and the rest of the Middle East. I'm sick of seeing stories about children dying.

Let me first point out that I am a spiritual atheist. I don't know much about Sunni vs. Shiite Muslims. I wasn't raised Catholic or Anglican. I know scarcely anything about the Jewish faith. I've known people of many different religions and I harbour no ill will towards anyone who chooses to believe in whatever they choose to believe in. One's faith is a personal preference that I have no argument with.

That all being said, the Middle East is a total shit show. Western foreign policy relating to the middle east is completely fucked. I'm sick and tired of it. The world should be sick and tired of it. Something needs to be done to at least start down a road to peace. People are DYING! Innocent people, guilty people, ambivalent people. It doesn't matter who they are, they are DYING!

The problems in the Middle East can be traced back to one significant point. That point was Israeli independence in 1948. You could likely go back further than that, but for today, I'm going to use 1948. That was the year of the start of the modern Israel. I'm not here to argue about Jewish rights to their homeland or the Palestinians' right to self-determination.

Since the founding of the State of Israel, the Middle East has never fully recovered.

The primarily Muslim residents of the region prior to the founding of Israel were, I believe, right in their wish to remain in the place they'd called home for many centuries. I also believe that Jews needed a place to call their own following the atrocities of the Second World War. I question the choice to displace an entire group of people to create a place for Israel. I understand Jews wanting to return to their ancestral homelands, but that hadn't been their homeland for many centuries.

This has all lead to the longest armed conflict of the 20th century. It continues unabated into the 21st century and there is no sign that it will end. EVER! You have so many people who all believe they are entitled to live in a small strip of land on the eastern shores of the Mediterranean Sea. The areas around the Mediterranean Sea are, without a doubt, the cradle of civilisation. Egypt, Greece, Italy. Civilisations that go back several millennia. A case could certainly be made for many groups to call the area home.

The area has for the past several decades been run by mostly sectarian but authoritarian governments in the case of countries like Syria, Egypt and Libya. A benevolent King of Jordan (as far as I'm aware) and some religious based kingdoms and states like Saudi Arabia, Iran, and Iraq. I'm not even sure what's going on in Turkey, but that's generally beside the point.

Within several of these countries, there are different ethnic groups to further complicate the situation. I don't know enough about the Kurdish people to speak intelligently about them, but I know of the problems they've had.

Anyway, back to the point, it's a fucking mess over there. Western policy in the region is completely fucked. Let's take a closer look.

Saudi Arabia. A western ally.
Israel. A western ally.
Iran. A western enemy.
Syria. Currently stuck in a brutal civil war.
Iraq. What does the west even think of Iraq now?
Egypt. What's going on in Egypt these days? As far as I can tell, the Military is in charge.
Libya. A provisional government.

I don't even know what to say about ISIS... an extra complication. I'd liken ISIS to Saudi Arabia based on religion from what I've read on the issue. That being an ultra-conservative interpretation of Islam.Wikipedia calls Salafism and Wahhabism. A branch of Sunni Islam.

So, looking at that list, there is considerable instability in the region. 4 of the 7 countries are in a state of change. Iran continues to call for the destruction of Israel. Israel continues to push their right to exist. Syrians and Iraqis continue to die.

I'm not clear on the differences between Shia and Sunni Islam, I'll have to do more reading on that.

So here's where Western Foreign Policy really goes to hell. We are allied with Saudia Arabia. A Sunni Islam state based on Wahhabism but are opposed to Sunni Islam based on Wahhabism put forward by the Islamic State. What does Saudi Arabia have that makes them different? Oh right... Oil. Despite them having a significantly poor human rights record, the west seems willing to look the other way so long as the oil keeps flowing.

Support for Israel. Great. Israel exists. They have a human rights problem as well. The Palestinian's who occupied the land Israel now sits before 1948 have been oppressed and pushed around by the Israeli people and the government since the formation of Israel.

Iraq. Saddam Hussein was nuts and didn't play well with others. The United States decided they should invade based on a vague threat of weapons of mass destruction. The follow-up to this invasion, the different Islamic populations of Iraq could never agree to get along and the country continues to be a mess.

Egypt and Libya. Run for decades by authoritarian dictators. All recently overthrown, provisional governments, military coups. Etc. Say what you want about Hosni Mubarak and Moammar Ghadafi, but you knew what you were dealing with.

Syria. Run for decades by an authoritarian dictator, Currently lodged in a brutal civil war.

The Americans are pretty sure the only good government is a Republican or Parliamentary Democracy, except in Saudi Arabia.

The Americans also seem to feel like they want to be an imperial power without maintaining their empire.

In the 80s, the Americans supported Afghan rebels in driving out Soviet forces. When the Soviet Union withdrew, so did the Americans leaving a power vacuum where the Taliban and Al Qaeda formed and flourished. Following 9/11, the Americans invaded Afghanistan. They quickly pivoted to creating an Afghan government and Afghan army without the supporting infrastructure, without the social and economic institutions to support self-governance.

Then the Americans invaded Iraq. See Afghanistan. Same result.

When the British invaded North America, it was more than 250 years before they were willing to give the Americans independence, and that wasn't without a fight. It took that long before the Americans were ready to stand up on their own feet. Thinking Afghanistan and Iraq would be ready to do it after less than 10 years is incredibly short-sighted and irresponsible.

The Americans weren't any more welcome in Afghanistan and Iraq than the British were in North America, but give credit to the Brits, they stuck it out and didn't just cut and run. Sure the aboriginal people of North America have been oppressed and marginalised for 500 years, but that's an issue for another day.

The Americans have become the kings of cut and run. They cut and run in Vietnam, they cut and run in Afghanistan TWICE, they cut and run in Iraq. How's that all working out?

What's the solution? That's the real question now.

The Americans, likely the world's only real superpower, have to decide what they are. Are they an imperial power, are they the world police, are they a destabilising power? Right now, they are acting like the third. They invaded Afghanistan and Iraq, paving the way for the Arab Spring and Syrian Civil war and the rise of ISIS in the face of American occupation.

The problems in the middle east are all squarely at the feet of western foreign policy (primarily American).

So here are the options as I see them.

1. Western powers invade the middle east as a whole. Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Israel. The whole thing. They take 250-500 years to build an economic and social infrastructure to build a functional secular state based on western values. That means the U.S.A., Canada, England, Germany, France, Russia, everybody who declares that the Western way is the right way.

or

2. Take your planes, boats, soldiers, tanks and opinions about what's best for everybody else and go home. Don't sell arms to anybody. Cut off all trade. Cut off all ties. Let them determine for themselves how they wish to live. That means everybody. Russians go home, Americans go home, everybody!

Right now, Western powers seem to be of the opinion that they can play both sides. Supporting Saudi Arabia but invading Iraq and Afghanistan. It can't be like that. You either support everyone's right to self-determination or you impose your will equally upon everyone. You need to decide.

You can't start a fight without being willing to pay the price in the long term.
You can't support Israel without supporting Palestine.
You can't look the other way when your economic interests are in opposition of your moral obligations.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Stop pretending like you can.

Loneliness.

It's a funny thing about mental illness from my experience so far. 

What one really wants in tough times is companionship. Not a 'keep your chin up', not a 'you'll get there', not a single word will help sometimes. 

What I want is someone or many someones to just be there. I just don't want to feel so alone all the time. 

I want some one I can sit with without words if need be. Someone to simply share the room with. 

As much as the stigma of mental illness is being reduced. People who are mentally healthy just don't seem to want to spend time with people who aren't. 

I know that, very likely, I'm terrible company when I feel like this. I don't blame people for not wanting to hang out with me. I just really need someone to want to hang out with me. I really really really need it. 

I think, for me, that the loneliness is the worst part. The loneliness makes me sad, which makes me poor company, which makes people not wanna hang out, which makes me more likely... And so on and so forth ad infinitum. You get the picture. 

I don't know what to do about this. I've never had a strong social support network. To be honest, I've rarely had any friends at all. 

I'm working really hard to improve and get better. I'm a work in progress to be sure. I just need someone or some people to take a chance on me. To help me get better... To help me learn to be a person that people want to be around. 

Progress? Not so much...

It's been far too long since I wrote anything on here. I've been doing a little bit of private journalling, but nothing that I felt comfortable sharing. The last couple of weeks, though, have been really tough, and I feel like I need to get some of it out in written words. Not because it will, necessarily, make me feel any better, but because I hope that it may help someone else in a similar situation.

If you're new here, I suggest you go back and read some of the stuff from last year before you continue.

I finished 2014 and started 2015 feeling pretty positive about things generally. I was developing some new and genuine friendships. Had a part time job to bring in a little money, was getting ready to start school. All very positive things. 2015 was increasingly looking like it was going to be a great year...

Here we are in Mid-March. I don't know if it's the weather. February was unusually harsh, but I didn't really mind I don't think. Maybe it's just weariness from Winter and the lack of Vitamin D. Maybe it's that I haven't had any hours at work in 3 weeks. Maybe it's the Karaoke outing I planned that 2 people showed up for. I don't know... but it feels like all the hard work I've been doing is unravelling.

I feel terrible.

It's not all bad of course. School is going pretty well. I am excelling in my classes and am actually enjoying the school environment. People are pretty great. The bus ride to and fro isn't bad. The material is awesome.

I've developed the most wonderful new friendship. I'm working very hard at being vulnerable, and open and honest and understanding. I think it's working pretty well. It's working great for me, anyway.

The kids are pretty great. The good thing about having no hours is that at least I don't have to shuffle shifts around to see my boys!

So with all these things going so well, why do I feel so crummy?

I'm spending more time having, what I think are, quality interactions with people. I'm still not where I would like to be.

I'm not exercising as much as I would like. All of the activities I have are leaving me a little physically exhausted.

I think my biggest problem, right now, is CONFUSION.

In my old life, I was confident about my feelings. I was pretty sure that I was having appropriate emotions for the situation I was in.

Nowadays, I'm scared of everything. Positive experiences scare me. I'm so afraid that the old me is gonna pop up and screw things up.

Negative experiences scare me even more. I've been working so hard and I'm not getting the response I would like. This makes me wonder whether all this work has been for nothing. That is certainly not true.

I guess the real truth is that I'm starting to figure out how long this healing journey could actually take, and that's probably the scariest thing. I'm not getting any younger. I'm coming up fast on 42 years old. I kinda would like to have my shit together soon rather than later. I'd like to have some confidence in my abilities to manage and cope in situations so that I can really start moving forward again in a significant manner. Instead it feels like I'm chest deep in mud and fighting for every millimetre of progress. It's physically and emotionally exhausting.

I guess the real reason for this post is this. My resolve is being tested. Do I have the strength to keep fighting, or do I give up?

The good news, I guess, is that MY RESOLVE HAS NOT WEAKENED ONE BIT. I will fight for as long as it takes. I will not give up. I may not win, but I will win more than I lose. I will be a better person. I will be a better friend. Maybe, someday, I will be a better lover and partner.

F#$K DEPRESSION!