Half Way...

Yep, that's right, it's been 3 weeks.

For those of you who don't know, I'm doing the Acute Day Hospital program at the Ottawa Hospital, Civic Campus. It is designed to help me develop skills and strategies to deal with my depression in a healthier fashion.

The last 3 weeks have been a complete blur. I don't remember most of the first week at all. The second and third weeks haven't been much better. Good news is that I have a giant binder with all the pertinent information in it, so I can go back over it later.

I've definitely had a few 'Eureka' moments, mostly good, through the first few weeks. I'm really starting to recognize a lot of my thought distortions and life traps.

I can't say enough about the people I've met in the program. They are such an amazing and strong group of people. I'm so inspired by the strength and courage displayed in group every day.

I'm not sure, specifically, what I can say I've learned. This feels weird to me because I've learned so much. It just feels hard to put into words.

Hopefully in the next week or so, I'll be able to better quantify how I'm feeling, and what I've learned. No promises though.

I am mostly feeling better. Although today was a tough day. I've been emotionally exhausted for the last 3 weeks, and occasionally it'll catch up with me. Today was one of those days. Suppose it doesn't really help that it was rainy and cold here today.

I'm really not looking forward to the program ending for me in 3 weeks time. Despite how hard it is, I'm so enjoying it. I enjoy the people, I enjoy the atmosphere. I enjoy just about everything about it.

As I get closer to the end, I'll be developing my discharge plan. That'll be where some of you might really be able to help.

First things first, I'm going to need a job. I'm not looking for anything fancy. Really, anything will do. I'd really love to do retail of any kind, but I'm not picky.

Secondly, social activities. This one is really important. I need to get out more. Movies, walks, dinner, games night, I love Cribbage and Euchre, Xbox games night, anything! Haven't played a lot of the new board games that are all the craze. I kinda gave up board games after Monopoly and Trivial Pursuit, but I'd love to try out the new ones. Please call me any day, any night, any afternoon. If I'm having a down day, please don't take it personally, and please don't give up on me. Finances are tight, but I'm totally up for just about anything.

Third, SPORTS. I'm really hoping to get back into curling this winter. If you know of any teams that need anyone, I'd be more than happy to have a chance to join up. Dodge ball, volleyball, ball hockey, I'm up to trying anything. I'm not super athletic at the moment, but I'm working on it.

Fourth, training. I'd really love to get a personal trainer to help me get into the shape I'd prefer to be in. I'd really like to lose 40 pounds, increase upper body strength, cardio stamina, etc. I've been doing a lot more walking the last couple of weeks, at increasing intensity. The only thing I'm not totally keen on is running. Not sure my left knee would be able to handle it, but I'd love to be convinced.

Please feel free to chip in any ideas. I'm building this new life almost from scratch, and I'm willing to try anything. Not promising that I'll love it, but I'll try it.

Anyhoo... I guess that'll be it for now.

Hope to hear from you.

Overwhelmed...

If there was one word to describe my experience after 1 week... overwhelmed would be it.

It was a good week I think. People have asked me what I learned... the answer... I'm not sure...

A lot of feelings and information all get thrown at you in a hurry... I'm not sure anything has totally stuck yet. 

If there was one thing that really stuck, it was Monday afternoon. We looked at our Life Grid. All about life balance, between hobbies and work and family etc. It really struck me right away how empty my life grid is. Aside from a few things that I don't do that often, I really don't have much going on.

I've been getting out and trying some new things, and meeting some new people, but that hasn't developed to where I want it to be. Everything will come in time I hope. Gotta stick with it I think. In the immortal words of Dory... "Just keep swimming..."