Pity party?

It has been brought to my attention that my writing for the last few days has appeared, perhaps, to be a bit of a self pity party.

Let me state in no uncertain terms: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE CASE

Where I am in life, financially, personally, professionally. It as all by choices that I have made. Nobody else did this to me. I did it to myself.

The people I care most about are having problems trusting me. That is no fault of them. I have given those close to me plenty of reasons not to trust me. I have not always been a great boyfriend, I have not always been a great husband, and I have certainly not always been the perfect dad.

I like to think that I do my best every day. I certainly try to do my best every day. Sometimes with varying results I guess.

All of this, however, is not to say that I take full blame for the failures of my relationships. It takes two to tango and while I may not always have been the perfect partner, I also wasn't always the villain either.

I haven't always made the best decisions, but I'm not a bad person. I actually think I'm a pretty good person.

Someone asked me today if I deserve a second chance. I think I do.

Even the bad decisions that I've made, haven't been out of malice, but out of a search for happiness. I always thought I knew what would make me happy, but I was wrong. Decisions I made in search of happiness ended in feelings of pain and heartache for others. I can't take back all of the things I've said and done. All I can do is say I'm sorry and strive to be a better person in the future. That is all about me. It isn't anyone can give me. No one can give me the answers. I have to find them for myself, and I will.

My point, in all of this, if there is one, is that you shouldn't feel bad for me. Don't pity me. I don't. I am where I am because of decisions I've made. Things I've done. Certainly while I would prefer to not have caused others pain and heartache, I can't change the past, and won't try. I will move forward from here a stronger and better person. Maybe even a person that people can learn to trust again.

Trust is a funny thing. It's incredibly difficult to earn, and incredibly easy to lose.